Former Green Bay Packers safety Matt Bowen published a story today about how he once peed the bed in a Packers hotel before a game against the Bears:
"The 3 a.m. wake-up call in a hotel outside of Champaign, Illinois, was unexpected. This was in 2002, back when I was playing for the Green Bay Packers, and we were on a road trip to play the Chicago Bears. Maybe I was a little nervous or over-excited or had too many Gatorades the night before. Whatever. That didn't matter at the time, because I had a new issue to deal with leading up to the Monday Night Football kickoff.
My sheets? Soaked. The shorts I was sleeping in? Drenched. The comforter? The same. I was 8 years old all over again, waking up in my own pee. I had wet the bed." ESPN
It's actually quite a funny and entertaining story, well worth the full read. The funniest and my favorite part:
"With no way in from the back of the hotel, I had to come clean and go in the front door. So, I walked around the front of the hotel, trying to stay out of sight from anyone driving along the road or coming in early to work at the joint.
Now, walking into a hotel at 3 a.m. is probably strange in these parts. But walking in with just a towel on? Man, that's ridiculous. And it got even more ridiculous when the little, old lady working at the front desk asked for proof I was actually staying at the hotel.
Room key? No. Driver's license? I wish. In my panic-stricken state, all I grabbed was this towel. But I did play for the Green Bay Packers. That's what I told her.
She didn't buy it." ESPN
The story is great and obviously I love all fun stories about my beloved Packers (fun being the key word here. None of the controversial ones are at all fun for me BRETT'S TEXT MESSAGES). However, this story is extra special to me for one important reason:
Matt Bowen, you and I are now even.
'What on earth are you talking about? Why Matt Bowen? How could Matt Bowen or any other Packer for that matter possibly owe you, Luke, anything!?' one may ask oneself.
It's not Matt Bowen I personally have beef with. My rightful indignation has been caused by the entire 2002 Green Bay Packers.
Though I have watched almost all, I have been to only one Packers game in my entire life. It was the 2002 Wild Card playoff game against the Atlanta Falcons. A game the Packers got KILLED in to suffer their first ever home playoff loss.
I was 11 years old at that game. It was then that that specific Packers team gave me this grudge that I've been seeking to settle ever since. Say what you will, but I'm not wrong about being owed something by each and every player from that team for what they did to us fans (except Donald Driver he had 3 catches for 64 yards, the only Packers TD, and got hurt, on top of it all. Even if he had a bad game, I could never be mad at Donald Driver. He's simply too likable to ever be wrong).
Brett owes me for the 2 INTs and 1 fumble. Frank Winters and Tyrone Williams owe me for each of their fumbles. The entire team owes me for their 5 TURNOVERS. Ryan Longwell owes me for his 2 missed field goals. That and for going to the VIKINGS AFTERWARDS RYAN HOW COULD YOU!? Whatever, you'll never be what Mason is to me. To all of us.
And the defense. The entire defense owes me and every other Packers fan for allowing Michael Vick and co to do what they did. Down 24-0 at halftime? You might as well have come right up to me and kicked me square in my little boy nuts to end my childhood right there, right on that hallowed Lambeau ground. That's what it felt like, anyway. I'll never forget. My exploded balls will never forget.
'But didn't Bowen actually have a great game against the Falcons? Like 15 tackles and 2 passes defended great?'
Yes. Yes he did do that and yes it was a great performance.
Which for that particular game makes Matt Bowen the leader of the defense and thus responsible for their actions. That's just how it is. That's how it must be. It's the rule. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. I just follow them.
So, Matt Bowen, we're even now for the first home playoff loss in our storied franchise's history. I'm sorry you peed the bed but it's a funny story. Also, at least you just peed the bed in a hotel, not in front of all our hearts like the rest of our team did when they peed the bed that night.
Look, Packers fans are supposed to be super nice, super forgiving, and super understanding. And we are. I am most of the time, too. Just not for that loss. Not for that loss because I was there. I was just a boy. JUST A BOY, FOR HUMANITY'S SAKE. I shouldn't have had to see that slaughter with my own eyes at that young of an age. It was like Leonardo DiCaprio's son in The Revenant. Except I didn't get murdered like he did. My murder was worse.
Now I can move on from this grudge and focus on what's truly important:
The Green Bay Packers winning the 2017 Super Bowl. Jordy, I believe in you.
I can focus on that and still being SO MAD at the 2014 Green Bay Packers for their collapse against the Seahawks. That game exploded my adult balls. All 3 of them and my heart.