I Am Mrs. Lawan Peters

This is a picture of Cate Blanchett. Cate Blanchett is a very good actress and a nice lady. I do not know her. I have never met her. I am not from the same place as Cate Blanchett. I am not the same age as Cate Blanchett. I am not the same gender as Cate Blanchett. I do not know what I have in common with Cate Blanchett. However, I do know that I am not Cate Blanchett. I am not Cate Blanchett in the slightest. I'm not even 1/16th Cate Blanchett. I'm 0/16th Cate Blanchett. I am as much Cate Blanchett as I am any other person on this entire planet.

I am not someone else.

This isn't about how I am not the type of person someone is trying to make me out to be. This is about how I am not the actual person someone else is trying to make me out to be. 

This is about how I am just me.

In the last few weeks, I've received maybe a dozen calls asking for a Mrs. Lawan Peters. My name is Luke Peters. I am not Lawan Peters. I guess I am Mr. Luke Peters, technically, but I am certainly not Mr. Lawan Peters. I am also not Mrs. Luke Peters, though that would be kind of funny I guess because then I'd be my own wife. No, I am no combination of "Mrs." and/or "Lawan." I am simply Luke and/or Peters (Peters of course minus Lawan in any capacity).

So why in the name of all things dairy do so many people keep calling me as if I am Mrs. Lawan Peters? Am I supposed to know Mrs. Lawan Peters? Am I supposed to be in charge of Mrs. Lawan Peters? Do most people in the world who need to contact someone just check on the last name and the first letter of the first name of that person then start punching numbers into a phone willy nilly while looking straight into the sun expecting some magic to happen that gets them on the line with who they wish to speak with? 

All of these questions seem like easy "no's" to me. But maybe that's just the thing. Maybe what it all is to me isn't quite what I think it is. Maybe me isn't quite what I think it is. Maybe not being Mrs. Lawan Peters isn't as easy as I think it is. 

They say all kinds of stuff about the best things in life and I'm sure one of those is about how the best things in life aren't easy. Why not, ya know? I mean, we say all kinds of stuff about everything. Good for us. It's nice to pass the time. Let's do so here and go ahead and believe that the best things in life aren't easy.

So, considering this seemingly simple situation of me being Luke Peters, not Mrs. Lawan Peters, is apparently not that easy, that makes being Mrs. Lawan Peters difficult. By the aforementioned logic of how the best things in life come from difficulty, that means being Mrs. Lawan Peters is the best.

I want to be the best. It's all I've ever wanted. I am a red, white, and blue-blooded American, so I'll always do what it takes to be the best. Well, it's quite clear that being Mrs. Lawan Peters is the best. Therefore, from now on, I am not Luke Peters.

I am not Mr. Luke Peters.

I am not Mrs. Luke Peters, even though I still think that would be kind of funny. Not like laugh out loud funny, but funny enough. Like funny enough until I find something else to entertain my mind. You know, like funny enough to pass the time.

I am not even Lawan Peters.

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I.

Am.

Mrs. Lawan Peters.

I am the best.

I am just me.

I am Mrs. Lawan Peters.