This post does not reek of privilege. It reeks of logic. It reeks of knowledge. It reeks of practicality. Any and all things reek--even Ramsay Bolton--are far better than a cafe bathroom that reeks of poorly flushed bowel movements.
First off, yes, all cafes are going to have issues with crap, because they are themselves inherently crap. They are a place where fancy people go for fancy coffee to talk about their fancy ideas and work on their fancy websites from fancy computers while having fancy tattoos in fancy cities: all crap. Just crap. I wish I weren't writing this at a cafe, but I am, because I am unfortunately in a city. Being in a city means there's only about three places to go. Since it's noon, that rules out being at a bar, leaving only bus and cafe, which brings me to this house of crap otherwise known as a cafe.
Cafes are dung but they serve sweet, sweet caffeine-containing coffee, which is wonderful. If people were cars, our gasoline and oil--the vital life sources of a car--would be water and coffee, respectively. And what is water, really, other than part of coffee, meaning our gasoline and oil are really just coffee and coffee components. The driver of our car is also coffee, so coffee is everything to us as cars. Coffee moves us; it gives us wheels. That means coffee is also the wheels of the people car. Coffee makes us fart, so that's the horn, and coffee makes beams of light shoot out of our eyeballs, so coffee is also our headlights. Coffee is really our everything.
However, like cars, people have to poop, so naturally cafes--which are NOT people garages, OK? That's what houses are. Cafes are just a place where people cars go to refuel and also to poo-dee-poop. Follow this metaphor closely--have to deal with lots of human oil changes, or dookie, as we call it. Considering such and considering how fancy these cafes are, you'd think that cafes would all have failsafe power flushing toilets.
Most cafes do NOT have wonderful, heavenly, reliable, friendly, safety-first power flush toilets. Most fancy cafes have un-fancy regular toilets. This means that as you are processing your coffee--your everything, that is--making it into defecate, you're probably going to have a hard time flushing it down, because cafe toilets are weak. Your home toilet, or garage toilet, as it is also called right now, can deal with normal home poo loads without needing to be a power flush toilet. That's because your garage toilet only has to eat a handful of thunder-loafs a day. A cafe toilet, on the other hand, has to take down hundreds if not hundreds of thousands of butt-nuggets a day. This workload of turdloads breaks down a traditional toilet and thus requires as much power as possible.
Butt how do we do it, Luke? How do we make the dump jump to a brighter tomorrow in the land of silver flushes?
I'll tell you, cafes, you fancy houses of crap in the city:
Spend the extra few hundred dollars and get yourself one of these incredible power flush toilets. I recommend the one up top that has 0.8 HP of assistance. Trust me. Power flush toilets make your customers happier by giving them the confidence that they can flush ass-sured. They'll save you time by not having to send some one-sleeved, nose-pierced, pink-haired, valued employee in there with a plunger every five minutes. They'll save you money by using less water from two, three, and even four-flush doo-doo-rolls. They'll save you face by not having to talk to anyone about cloggages and tookus dookus.
Having power flush toilets will save the human race. Human race as in people-cars speed-competition.
We are incredible, butt not perfect. You know who else was incredible, butt not perfect? The Egyptians. The Romans. Buddy Holly.
What did none of them have that we could easily have?
You already know the answer. It's a powerful flushing one.