Under Armour Combats Stock Drop with New Over Armour Line

BALTIMORE, MD - In response to company stock falling 3% after Golden State Warriors star Kevin Durant's comments that top athletes don't want to go to colleges sponsored by Under Armour, CEO Kevin Plank announced Thursday the launch of Under Armour's newest apparel line, Over Armour. "KD is a competitive guy, both on and off the court. Being sponsored by Nike, he's thus going to say things to make Nike's top competitor look inferior, even antiquated," said Plank, adding that Under Armour is not just for safety schools and that Under Armour's manufacturing complete suits of armor in no way suggests that. "What does Nike make? Just shoes, clothes, balls, and general elite-level athletic accessories--that's it. It's all flashy in a fake sort of way. But what's flashy in a real sort of way? Full body, polished, steel-plated armor. Kevin Durant can act like he knows what's cool and what kids want, but at the end of the day, I think he is trying to do evil. We don't like that, which is why Under Armour will continue its commitment to what works and what's always worked: the medieval." Plank went on to say that he thinks Kevin Durant's signature Nike shoe is dumb, dangerous, and bland, whereas the new Over Armour solleret will be the coolest, safest, and shiniest shoe on the market.