The Chicago Bulls are 12th in overall defensive efficiency. That's almost top 10. So they're not that bad, right?
OK so they're in a 3-way tie for 17th ranked defensive points per game, allowing 102.8. Maybe teams are just getting quality shots instead of quantity of shots on the Bulls?
Holy crap they're ranked last and giving up 90.5 field goal attempts a game... Well maybe they're just offensive juggernauts and all these horrible defensive stats are just a byproduct of their offensive dominance?
18th ranked at 101.7 offensive points per game... Wait what was their defensive points per game--oh, right, 102.8 allowed per game. Shoot that's an objectively losing-most-games-statistic... Are they at least shooting well themselves when they do get to shoot?
Tied for 25th in the league at .438... Really looking like they might actually be that bad right now, maybe worse than bad...
Fine. One final, desperate attempt... Are there any like of-recent or not just overall-stat stats that might show some glimmer of hope for the Bulls?
"Heat rolled to a 129-111 win against the Bulls in Miami on Tuesday night. How ignominious was it for Chicago?
The Bulls were founded in 1966, and Tuesday was arguably the worst defensive performance in franchise history.
A look at a few of the sad facts and statistics:
— Chicago allowed its highest opponent field-goal percentage in franchise history as Miami shot 67.5 percent (since they started tracking the stat in 1983-’84).
— The Heat’s 67.5 percent shooting was a franchise record and was the highest in any NBA game since February 2010, when the Jazz shot at the same mark, according to the AP. No NBA team has shot better than Miami since the Los Angeles Clippers did so in March 1998.
— The previous best shooting mark for a team this season had been the Spurs’ 61.8 percent against the hapless 76ers in December.
— Miami scored a whopping 74 points in the paint on Chicago.
— Heat center Hassan Whiteside scored a career-high 26 points on 8-of-11 shooting.
— Joe Johnson — who was averaging 11.8 points on 40.6 percent shooting with the Nets before he was recently bought out and joined the Heat — went off for 24 points on 10-of-13 shooting." CBS Chicago
Nope. None. Nothing.
The Chicago Bulls are baaaaaaaddddd right now. Absolutely horrible. Horrible isn't even the right word, because this is such a uniquely horrible team.
The Chicago Bulls are Hoiber-rible right now.
Miss yooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu, Thibs, the man we all knew we were wrong to bail on:
The Chicago Bulls are very bad right now. We statistically and objectively suck. Please forgive us, Tom Thibodeau.