By now, most everyone knows the news: Ted Cruz has dropped out of the 2016 election. He will not be Cruzin' to Victory, as his absolutely killer campaign slogan says. So, what will Ted Cruz do now? It has many joking that he can return to being the Zodiac Killer, many including fake Donald Trump:
However, as we and Mrs. Cruz all know, Ted Cruz is not the Zodiac Killer. As Heidi says in response to the allegations, "Well, I've been married to him for 15 years, and I know pretty well who he is, so it doesn't bother me at all. There's a lot of garbage out there."
It's not just her word on the matter that we should believe.
We should also look at the facts of the Zodiac Killer.
He looks like this:
Whereas Ted Cruz looks like this:
As much as people like to do the comparative side by sides:
They don't look that similar.
You can see it in the eyes. The Zodiac Killer has cold, heartless eyes. Ted Cruz has hopeful, pleading, even desperate eyes. Also, and not to just kick a man when he's down, the Zodiac Killer is a killer, while Ted Cruz clearly doesn't have the killer drive it takes to win the election, let alone the nomination. He didn't have the juice, he didn't have the numbers.
The Zodiac Killer did have the juice. He did have the numbers. Here's what we know about him: he killed his victims in California, most notably in San Francisco. He definitely killed 5 people, but claimed to have killed 37. Either way, it's a lot of people. Undoubtedly too many people. They are some plain crazy numbers. He also sent letters to the Bay Area press, almost seeming to invite them to come get him.
San Francisco. Big numbers. Personal communication with the press.
You know who else did his work in San Francisco, put up big numbers, and just announced this, a personal viewing session, to the press?
The two-time Cy Young Award winner will hold a pitching showcase in front of scouts for nearly 20 teams this week.
Tim Lincecum. Former San Francisco Giants pitcher who had big numbers.
Look at the eyes.
Is it just a coincidence that right when Ted Cruz, the scapegoat alleged Zodiac Killer, leaves the spotlight, Tim Lincecum, who none of us have heard from in a while, steps right back into it?
Don't forget, Tim's nickname is The Freak.