One of the biggest issues with politics, culture, and the larger contemporary umbrella that covers the two known as "the internet" is the idea that people's opinions are in fact facts. If your opinion--I mean fact, sorry--differs from someone else's fact that is fine, just know that you are a terrible person and probably evil if said differing fact is outside the "majority," a majority that we all agree is definitive, correct, and we're totally a part of. It's not actually that your fact is wrong and that you are a bad person, it's just that that's exactly what it is, according to everyone on the internet ever. We throw around terms like "smart" and "brave" while simultaneously fearing new ideas and the very thought of having to think about something, anything at all. That's why this Halloween will be the scariest Halloween ever: because the situation we find ourselves in resulting from all of this refusing to listen to anyone other than those who we already agree with is an election between two people who embody the rage, shock, and refusal to think we created by creating and living on the internet. It's scary because they both hate everything and by choosing between only the two of them we're choosing who we want to side with in siding against everyone outside our own majorities. The scariest part of it all is that Trump and Clinton are only increasing their and everyone else's anger day by day. Happy Halloween! PS no trick-or-treating or candy because both are dangerous and untrustworthy, just like every adult is.
However, unlike most internet opinions alleged to be facts, this internet opinion is more than an opinion--it is a fact. The above video is very, very important. Watch the video. Watch it twice. Watch it a third time. Watch it again, and again, and again, and again. Watch it until you stop laughing. Then watch it some more. When the laughter comes back to you, watch the video a few dozen more times. Here, just watch it on repeat. Cancel all of your plans tonight which you would have done anyway because you have the internet and you do nothing anymore because why would you you have the internet and you can just watch videos like this over and over and over again, just like you are doing now and will do until forever, just as this and every other video is meant to be watched.
There's just so much very important stuff in this very important video and all of it is so very important:
The joy in this boy's heart as he slam dunks the basketball, joy just like we all feel in our cubicles as we watch this video and take an important break from something or another involving data entry, which is all that any of our very important jobs involve.
The primeval release of excitement as the boy pounds his chest and yells, a chest pounding and yelling just like we should all let loose from the mountain tops as we hold our laptops or tablets or phones above our heads, playing this video as loud as his yell and as enthusiastically as his chest pound.
The sobering reality check as the hoop falls onto the boy's head like a tree falls on a lumberjack, which reminds us that physics and science rule us all, a sobering reality check just like that that we will all experience tomorrow morning when we look at the clock and realize we didn't even sleep last night and must return to our very important data entry jobs.
The brilliantly edited music and video sequence that follows the boy's accident which is all overlapped by Illuminati triangles, a brilliantly edited music and video sequence just like the very same edited sequence of music and video that has become all of our lives following the horrific accident akin to the Big Bang that is the internet's creation, an accident we have all been engulfed in and possessed by that is overlapped by Illuminati triangles, Illuminati triangles which remind us that this is all out of our control and all preplanned by the Illuminati, the same Illuminati who have brought Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and the Mars candy company to the forefront of American consciousness while eliminating any other possibility, any other possibility just like how there is no other possibility other than the Illuminati but not the delicious deep dish pizza place, that's Lou Malnati's.
The White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army," White Strips just like the band The White Stripes that has a lot of really great music but for some reason Jack White and Meg White said they were brother and sister but they were not brother and sister and actually they were married but then they got divorced but then the band stayed together because they were able to work through their problems and just keep making really great music.
Yes, this video is very important and there's so much important stuff in it, but don't think too much about The White Stripes part and how they were able to sort through their problems and stay together working toward a common goal because that's not what this is all about or something we as a country can possibly do despite this election and the internet and our vehemently disagreeing about deep dish pizza. No, that is not important at all. The boy and the basketball hoop and the boy's slam dunk and the hoop falls on the boy's head and the Illuminati and everyone is mad at each other and everyone is afraid to think about anything new and everyone has to assign these super self-important, indisputable values to empty discourse and the Illuminati and we all have to stay on the internet because there's no way we can just easily get off it and see people for people again and the Mars candy company and the Illuminati and we're all so outraged all the time is what this is about because all that angry stuff, not The White Stripes getting along part, is what is very important.
Finally, I should very importantly note that although this video is very important, its importance is just my fact, so don't take it as an opinion because I too am very "brave" with my internet discourse, discourse which absolutely doesn't lack the listening side of debate and which totally isn't completely contrived like most of these other facts on the internet.
Most very important very importantly of all, though, and this is very important to make a very important note about: don't you dare just watch this video and have a laugh because this video is simply funny. It is very important to note that this isn't just a funny video.