It's no secret how much Donald Trump is either hated or loved. That can be easily realized by checking out Facebook, Twitter, and cable news, all of which are polarizing, emotional, leading, and very, very shouty. Your ears will be sore just from reading. Trump makes people real mad, whether it be against him or (for whatever reason) for him. The widespread Trump-hate or Trump-love boils down to a lot of big, serious issues which people take quite personally, one way or the other. These personal and heated issues and an examination of them are not what this article is about, though. The rest of this article and what unfolds in it is what this article is about.
Looking at some polls and election data, it is even less of a secret that Donald Trump is doing very, very poorly with just about 2 weeks left until election day (or 5 weeks left, depending on if you know when the election is or absolutely, undoubtedly is not--it absolutely, undoubtedly is not on November 28th, by the way). Recent polls show Hillary Clinton with a large lead in 6 of 11 "battleground states," states with tremendous electoral significance. From the perspective of being a lock on victory, these states combined with expectedly democratic states make for a shiny brass key: a key because the lock part is a lock on winning the election and the key secures the lock--get it? That combined key and the lock, that's the analogy. Look, this is election stuff, how creative and clever do you expect me to get? It's Friday and I don't even have any donuts for crying out loud.
A look at some trustworthy, non-Nate Silver or FiveThirtyEight polls further shows how poorly Donald Trump is doing. This is not to say that Nate Silver and FiveThirtyEight aren't trustworthy, credible, or smart--no, they certainly are--it is just to say that I avoid Nate Silver and FiveThirtyEight because jeeze, are they snooty and self-righteous. Those guys are even more wow-I'm-so-right-look-at-me than BuzzFeed or Tesla owners. Nate Silver and FiveThirtyEight seem like they were the kind of kid who answered every single question in class and told on everyone for anything they ever did wrong. Sure, those are good things to do, but man, are they try-hard. Nate Silver and FiveThirtyEight do a lot for stats, but let's be honest, take it easy, Nate Silver and FiveThirtyEight. They're just stats. They're not medical miracles or working with underprivileged children. Nate and FiveThirtyEight, I'm sure in your minds stats are equally contributing, changing, and important, but at the end of the day, they're not even close. You also seem like one of those parents who tells me how much better and smarter your kids (models) are than other kids, which is not at all the point of raising kids. The point of raising kids is teaching them how to be kind, how to be accepting, how to be loving, and how to throw perfect spirals.
Anyway, here are the polls:
A lead is a lede, but even more convincing and significant is being closer to 50% than 40%, as "there’s more uncertainty the further a candidate is from 50 percent and the larger the number of undecided voters." Thus, looking at the numbers above, Trump seems to be really behind.
Finally, it's not just independent (cough, cough, that's me and my opinion) or liberal (you can put your hand down, Mr. Silver. We already see you sitting there in the front with your shiny apple and humongous calculator) analyses showing Donald Trump doing quite poorly. An email sent from the office of super PAC backing Pennsylvania Republican Sen. Pat Toomey to billionaire Chicago Cubs owner Joe Ricketts (no big deal but our said Cubbies are currently up 3 games to 2 on the Dodgers and my-fingers-crossed likely going to the World Series this year!) shows Republican worry of Trump's struggles and their larger impact. The email sent on Toomey's behalf reads, "Trump has taken a real hit this week and that could have an effect on down ballot races. [...] We need to keep spending parity with the Dems and focus on negative ads to give Sen. Toomey the victory [...] This is a very winnable race even with the presidential polls currently showing Trump down. Our internal poll that had Pat tied showed Trump down 10..."
Liberal public opinion declares Donald Trump sunk. Conservative public opinion declares Donald Trump maybe not-quite-yet sunk. Liberal analysts and politicians declare Donald Trump undoubtedly and statistically significantly sinking. Conservative analysts and politicians are either quiet, talking in private, or all over the place about Donald Trump. Nate Silver is writing an algorithm to prove both that I'm a moron and that he is, in fact, super cool and not a total try-hard.
No matter how you look at it all, Donald Trump and his sinking struggles are certainly getting talked about, certainly getting attention, certainly getting traffic.
You know what isn't getting traffic? (click here and then please share with any and everyone you know)
Sinking usually makes one think about ships, unless one is a plumber in which case sinking probably makes one think about one's job. When ships sink--which is not to say that this ship is sinking--they often create a sort of swirling, spiraling suction similar to a watery tornado that sucks things into it. While stuff is sucked into this spiral, following the ship (especially if the ship happens to sink near a whirlpool which indisputably will create an underwater suction), stuff swirls about the spiral.
What else swirls as it goes down a watery spiral?
A turd in a toilet. A toilet which is plumbing. Plumbing which is part of a plumber's job. That's how a plumber is tied into this sinking bit here, OK? There's my cleverness and creativity applied to something political.
Politics is the practice of following money and power to wherever and whoever it leads (remember, a lead is a lede) in order to stay afloat. It wasn't created as such, but that's what politics has evolved to be.
Although I have never been on either the Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton ships--no, I am a man on an island who abhors both--this is politics, so in order to stay afloat, I am not above throwing something into the whirlpool to see it swirl around as it sinks.
Thus, here is my movement: Donald Trump is a turd. He stinks, he's rotten, and he makes people's noses cringe in a way that was before only possible by smelling something truly horrible. He angers, he frustrates, and he backs people up, just like any other turd will do when it's as huge as Donald Trump. As Donald Trump sinks down the toilet toward defeat and no longer having the attention and traffic he does, let's start calling bowel movements "Trumps".
Bowel movements already have many hilarious names, like dropping a load, laying a log, watching a Cleveland Browns game, and taking a dump. Dump and Trump not only sound the same, they go hand in hand. So, let's start calling bowel movements "Trumps." Whenever you go number two, don't just think about how Trump's going to finish the election as number two. Call your bowel movement "taking a Trump."
There's not much time left until this election is over, so let's have some fun with it as opposed to just being as mean and mad about it as most of us have this entire election cycle. No, I do not at all support Hillary Clinton--I have no money or power and so I seek to gain nothing from her status quo presidency--but I also still think Donald Trump is just the hugest turd. Spread some happiness and don't take yourself so seriously by calling bowel movements "Trumps." Share the message with your friends, have some laughs, and let's all see people for people again, in turn keeping each other afloat. Just because Donald Trump is sinking and Hillary Clinton runs a pirate ship does not mean we as a people need to sink.
And remember, this whole movement started for fun right here. Because if this funny, creative, honest, and non-partisan movement won't get traffic, nothing will.