(Initial source) Here's the first half of an obituary recently published in the Chicago Tribune:
"Elizabeth Porter Bowman, 78, of Northbrook, Illinois died peacefully January 9, 2016, surrounded by her children. Betsy was an elementary school teacher and later a tutor, but her passion and focus was being a dedicated and involved mother and grandmother. She was a woman of loyalty, integrity, opinion, curiosity and intelligence. A lifelong fan of the Cubs, Blackhawks and Bears (except Jay Cutler)." Source
* * *
I do not know Elizabeth Porter Bowman, but I bet she was just an awesome woman. She's got a long list of family she loved. She was a Special Olympics supporter. She went by Betsy, which is definitive proof of being excellent. Also, 78 is a long, lucky time to be on this planet. I always say I'd be happy to make 70, especially if I have a little bit of spunk left in me at the end like Ms. Bowman seems to have had.
This disregarding of Cutler is simply great. Everyone takes everything and themselves so seriously nowadays. You can't say or write anything without owing someone out there an apology. So many people are actively looking to be offended about stuff that it's not even half-empty or half-full, it's how-dare-you-appropriate-glassware-culture-on-me. But who can't you be mad at? Who for sure doesn't owe you or anyone else an apology? A dead old lady. You can be mad at me for saying it, but you can't be mad at her. Cause she's dead.
Jay Cutler gets a lot of crap. I'm a Packers fan, so I've certainly dished plenty heaping piles of it on him in my spoiled lifetime of having two of the greatest quarterbacks ever. However, in the last two or three years, I've sometimes felt a little bad for him. Blagh blagh that's so arrogant of you, Luke, but honestly, how can anyone put up with as much ridicule as he has for an entire career? I don't actually know anything about him as a person but we all see the pouting, tears, and interceptions. I do know he has a little dog, so take that into consideration. Actually, never mind what I said about feeling a little bad for him. Jay's earned it all.
How awesomely brutal is getting an anti-shout out in some lovely old woman's obituary? Nothing my beloved Aaron Rodgers or King Clay Matthews can ever do will be as undeniable or just as this. No, it's not that scalding of a burn (simply saying "lifelong fan of... (except Jay Cutler)"), but it sure gets the job done. I don't know which team God is a fan of (especially considering how overwhelmingly frustrating it must be for Him to constantly be hearing fan prayers and getting pointed at by players on His own fricken day of rest), but I bet when Betsy meets God, He'll give her a high-five and a good laugh. I know what Jay will look like when he hears about Betsy's burn:
And if you do actually feel bad for Jay Cutler, that's fine. He's a normal person, just like the rest of us:
A normal person, just like the rest of us, huh?