Aaron Rodgers' Photographic Memory Raises an Important Question: Is Aaron Rodgers an Athlete or a Nerd?
"They're all in there, tucked neatly away, deep inside Aaron Rodgers' brain. The Green Bay Packers quarterback -- the NFL's best QB, in my view -- doesn't simply produce elite-level plays on a weekly basis. He remembers them. All of them. Down to their finest details. Amid a sea of well-known attributes -- intelligence, mobility and a precision arm among them -- Rodgers' most underappreciated trait might be a photographic memory. He can recount the circumstances, decisions and sequences of events for virtually every significant football play of his life." ESPN
This is just the beginning blurb from a long interview where Kevin Seifert and Aaron Rodgers review plays from Aaron's past and Aaron remembers everything about them. It's pretty much Aaron being quizzed on a career's worth of game tape, which although is super duper footbally, is also a little too reviewing-a-review for my taste. But, to be fair, unlike the Green Bay Packers' and therefore the state of Wisconsin's QB, my taste includes any and all dairy products, so I have different tastes. Still, it's quite an impressive exchange between the two, especially how much and how accurately Aaron remembers everything.
Although it's impressive that Aaron remembers all these plays, it raises an important question: is Aaron Rodgers a nerd or an athlete?
Nerds have a number of nerd characteristics. Nerds use their brains more than their bodies. Nerds' bodies are usually frail, failing, and covered by T-shirts with pictures of superheroes and/or catchphrases on them. Bazinga! Nerds pride themselves on how much they know and how much they remember stuff. Nerds hate gym class and love Star Wars. Nerds tend to make a lot of money either inventing useless phone applications or doing something else nerdy. Nerds tend not to have hot girlfriends or boyfriends. Nerds crush on Jeopardy!, especially supercomputer nerds like Watson, which is like the God of nerds. Nerds often have stupid alternative diets. Most notably, nerds constantly point out how they are nerds.
Conversely, athletes have a number of athlete characteristics. Athletes use their bodies more than their brains. Athletes' bodies are usually toned, winning, and covered by either bullshit Lululemon stuff or the remnants of T-shirts from high school sports teams that no one in the world cares about. Athletes pride themselves on how much they lift and how much they remember being tough. Athletes love gym class and hate Star Wars. Athletes make a lot of money when they're professional athletes, otherwise they tend to work at city bars policing other former athletes and starring in WorldstarHipHop videos. Athletes tend to have hot girlfriends or boyfriends, or at least they sure as hell tell and post about it all the time. Athletes have never heard of Jeopardy! and will try and fight you if you introduce it to them. Athletes often eat sensible, non-vegetarian diets. Most notably, athletes constantly try to stuff nerds into lockers.
Let's now examine Aaron Rodgers:
1. Aaron Rodgers uses his body and his brain a lot, maybe equally because he's the quarterback. However, as the video and article point out, Aaron Rodgers has a photographic memory. Photos are worth 1000 words, so if Aaron remembers every play ever, that means he has so many words in his brain. That proves that his brain is huge and able to process tons of information, like a supercomputer. Supercomputers are nerds, so because Aaron Rodgers is like a supercomputer, he is therefore a nerd.
2. Aaron Rodgers is quite fit, even if he does do yoga, like a dork--important to note here is that dork might seem nerd, but in actuality, anyone can be a dork. Especially everyone who does yoga. Aaron Rodgers wears hipster hats and T-shirts when he's at basketball games and stuff, but he also wears cardigans, so that's a tossup. However, his work clothes are a football uniform, which is super anti-nerd. Aaron Rodgers' work clothes are anti-nerd, and because anti-nerd is athlete, he is therefore an athlete.
3. Aaron Rodgers has a photographic memory. Nerd.
4. Aaron Rodgers loves gym class but also loves Star Wars, as evidenced by:
Although Star Wars is super nerdy, Aaron is doing sword stuff, not nerdy Jedi mind stuff or any of that really boring Jedi Council crap. Also, it is all with Olivia Munn, which makes it untouchable and even unthinkable to nerds. Because it is unthinkable to nerds, it is therefore athlete. However, if it is athlete but is unthinkable even to nerds, that makes it really, really smart, back on the level of supercomputers, which makes it nerd again. However even more importantly, it has Olivia Munn in it again, which is awesome like Olivia Munn. Because Aaron Rodgers likes gym class but also Star Wars AND Olivia Munn, he is therefore a cool guy.*
*Cool guy is even better than nerd and athlete.
5. Aaron Rodgers is a professional athlete and makes a ton of money. He's either the fifth-highest or the highest-paid player in the NFL. Although making a lot of money is nerd, doing so in a game about taking nerd things like science eg concussion research and shoving it in people's faces eg tackling is athlete, so Aaron Rodgers' extreme wealth makes him an athlete.
6. Aaron Rodgers has a really hot and cool girlfriend. Better yet, he doesn't even tell us about it all the time. She does. And the "news" and does, too. It doesn't matter though, because she's quite nice on the eyes:
http://a1.files.maxim.com/image/upload/c_fit,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,h_1200,q_80,w_1200/MTM1MTQzMzg2ODY4MDA4OTcw.jpg
Because Aaron Rodgers' is dating the incredible Olivia Munn and dating Oliva Munn blows both the minds of nerds and athletes alike, he is a super cool, lucky guy.
7. Not only has Aaron Rodgers heard of and been on Jeopardy!, Aaron Rodgers crushed Jeopardy!.
Crushing on Jeopardy! automatically qualifies one as nerd.
However, hold yours horses, guy with horses--let's not forget about this moment from Aaron Rodgers' Jeopardy! performance:
Aaron Rodgers didn't just swear on Jeopardy!, he said the "F" word. The "F" word is the king of swear words. No, the "F" word is the quarterback of swear words.
Although Aaron Rodgers crushed on Jeopardy!, he said a swear while doing so, and because that swear word is the quarterback of swear words, Aaron Rodgers' Jeopardy! performance makes him an athlete.
8. Although he is the face and leader of the only professional sports team in the entire state of Wisconsin--Wisconsin the state that is America's Dairyland--Aaron Rodgers doesn't eat dairy. Not eating dairy is 100% always nerd, even if it is because of lactose intolerance, which is a made-up millenial disorder where one's nerd body acts like it can't handle dairy, much like a millenial body can't handle responsibility or non-emotion-based arguments. Aaron Rodgers' embarrassing diet makes him a nerd.
9. Aaron Rodgers once went on a podcast called "You Made It Weird," which is part of the Nerdist network. Although the Nerdist would suggest definite nerd, Aaron doesn't constantly refer to himself as a nerd on the podcast, nor does he talk about stuffing nerds into lockers, unfortunately and disappointingly. He tells a story about believing in UFO's (nerd) and also talks about what it's like being the best quarterback in football (athlete). The lack of evidence either way would seem to make this a tie, but because Aaron both doesn't stand firmly on either side of the claiming-to-be-a-nerd or stuffing-nerds-into-lockers fence and also is a fun, interesting guy in the podcast, Aaron is a cool guy dork, which although is the highest form of dork, is technically cool guy.
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The important question Aaron Rodgers' photographic memory raises is: is Aaron Rodgers a nerd or an athlete?
Examining this evidence, Aaron has 3 checks in the nerd column, 3 checks in the athlete column, and 3 checks in the cool guy column.
So, what does this three-way tie mean? Does it mean that Aaron Rodgers is a balanced man? A role model? A true renaissance man? Is being in a three-way (nice) the upper echelon of being a cool guy (it is, but he doesn't get an extra check for it)? Does it just mean the answer to the question is simply that Aaron Rodgers is a nerdy, cool-guy athlete?
Aaron Rodgers is a nerdy, cool-guy athlete.
But being so many things at once, not to mention in a tie at all, is about the dorkiest thing ever. It's even dorkier than beating an astronaut on Jeopardy!, going on the You Made It Weird podcast, and having an undisclosed position about if you do or do not stuff nerds into lockers.
The verdict: Aaron Rodgers is a dork.