People and FiveThirtyEight are Upset There Are Less Toys of Female Star Wars Characters

Above is R2-D2. I'll come back to him or her (R2-D2 is a robot) later.

This morning I read a FiveThirtyEight article titled, "#WheresRey? The ‘Star Wars’ Heroine Is Featured In Fewer Toys Than All The New Dudes" about how the female lead in the new Star Wars movie was excluded from the new Monopoly version of the new Star Wars movie, a board game we all desperately needed. She's also only in 10 of "256 toys" that "Toys R Us lists [...] in their online 'Force Awakens' store." Also, "only 70" of the 256 "include any of the major characters introduced in the new movie." These quotes and the article can be found here: Beep boop click me

The article goes on to talk about how all the female characters from the new Star Wars got the shaft in toy merchandising.

First, I didn't see the new Star Wars movie. Why? I liked the original three, but not enough to go crazy for more of them almost 40 years later. Like most movies, Star Wars is just a movie. Therefore, it is unlikely to change my world at all, being as my world doesn't get changed by movies. This sets up my issue with this whole deal. It's also I suppose different for me than the other adults who are yelling and crying about a movie involving robots, magic, and kids that can't get along with their parents to save their lives. "Their" meaning their parents' lives. Didn't even see it yet I know about it.

Let's get right down to it. The Star Wars toys are toys. They're toys. Toys are for kids. If you're an adult who collects toys that's fine, just remember that by doing so you have to step back from the adult table on a few things, likely creating and raising the type of person said toys are intended for: children.

"But Luke, you're being ignorant. The types of toys kids play with impact kids so much. By forcing certain gender decisions and depictions on toys, we're crafting how children develop and become adults." OK, I hear your argument. My counterarguments and reactions are, "Have you ever raised a child? If so, do you have so much time, money, and BuzzFeed articles infused into your brain where you're dissecting and worrying about your kids' play habits and that's all you have to worry about as a parent?" Also, "Are you kidding me?" Again, these toys aren't getting into kids' faces and projecting hologram messages of what to do or what not to do. Do you see where this is going, R2? Patience, we'll get there.

I'm going to make the assumption we can move past having to care about what all of these adults are saying about toys for the movie Star Wars (I can't even believe I've written this much about it now, it's an entirely separate joke) and think about the children, who the toys are meant for. Do you have the market research data on why Toys R Us or Hasbro made the toys the way they did, FiveThirtyEight? Do you remember the movie "Big"? I'm sure there was a room full of toys that a bunch of kids went into and picked out whatever toys they wanted and liked the most. Could it have been that the little boys picked out Star Wars toys and of those they did most of them were Darth Vader and Chewie, whereas the little girls picked out something else? Absolutely not, that would be so offensive and not PC of those kids to do.

My last point goes back to the adults who are all fired up about this. Adults: do you remember the first movies? Remember R2-D2? Remember how lovable and trustable he was? R2 was a rambunctious robot always messing with C-3PO, the whiny, know it all nerd always trying to ruin Luke and the gang's good times. Did they need C-3PO? Yes. But was it awesome and funny when he got dorked on by his friend R2? Absolutely. Adults upset about toys: you're being C-3POs. Worst off, you're mentoring under the modern day, annoying, number-spewing C-3PO. The one that was the annoying kid growing up talking about how math was cool and how he or she was going to use math to change the world someday, except he or she ended up not being a physicist, engineer, or Good Will Hunting. Yes, FiveThirtyEight is C-3PO, who is that kid and that robot always ruining the gang's good times. R2-D2 might be friends with you and the other shiny golden robots, but just remember, he loves leaving you in the sand or pushing you into a robot factory.

Don't forget, too much Star Wars regardless of the character or movie is what really impacts a person's development: