Big Data Lies About Top Dog Names for 2016

"With National Dog Day just days away, petowners across the country will soon be celebrating man’s best friend. But it appears many of those best friends have something in common – their names. Social media app Nextdoor released its annual report of top dog names across the country and by breed.The top dog name in the U.S. this year was Bella, followed by Lucy, Max, Daisy and Buddy. Buddy moved up on the list compared to last year, claiming the fifth spot on this year’s list. And Sadie jumped up to take over Maggie for the no. 9 slot." NBC

If there's one thing everyone knows, it's that Nextdoor releases an annual list of top dogs names. If there's two things everyone knows, it's that Nextdoor releases an annual list of top dog names and that Nextdoor is just another big data company manipulating us all to buy some kind of product or another. If there's THREE things everyone knows, it's that: Nextdoor releases an annual list of top dog names; that Nextdoor is just another big data company manipulating us all to buy some kind of product or another; and that Nextdoor's 2016 list of dog names is actually just another one of those list of baby names from this year because these aren't dog names. No dog has any of the following names:

I don't know what big data aka Nextdoor is trying to get us to buy with this list, but if I had to guess, it's probably new children's toys based on one of the new thousand or so upcoming animated movies. These names aren't dog names-- they're Disney names. You can't fool me, Nextdoor. No fake list can get me to buy cool new toys. Only a good movie can. Which reminds me, I LOVED Finding Dory and really would like to get a stuffed animal of Gerald, the hilarious sea lion:

http://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/2fcfd13ba05e5d0f335ce08405db4556f2bf497a/c=335-25-2860-1923&r=x408&c=540x405/local/-/media/2016/06/17/USATODAY/USATODAY/636017737514796866-finding-dory-k225-34cs.sel16.cmyk.122.jpg

Now if there's FOUR things we all know, it's that Nextdoor releases an annual list of top dog names; that Nextdoor is just another big data company manipulating us all to buy some kind of product or another; that Nextdoor's 2016 list of dog names is actually just another one of those list of baby names from this year because these aren't dog names; and that this is what the actual list of top dog names for 2016 is:

10. Fido

9. Scamp

8. Scrappy

7. Scooby

6. Buster

5. Air Bud

4. Doggy

3. Here Doggy-Doggy

2. Sparky

1. Yeah-We-Just-Couldn't-Stand-The-Thought-Of-Injustice-In-This-World-So-To-Do-Our-Part-We-Saved-Him-And-We're-Totally-Not-Heroes-It's-More-Like-He-Saved-Us-That's-What-This-New-Tattoo-Here-Is-For-It's-For-Him-We-Just-Love-Him-So-So-Much-Now-I'm-Going-To-Show-You-Photos-Of-Him-In-A-Dogpark-Making-Friends-Because-This-Is-How-Incredible-People-Like-Us-Who-Live-In-The-City-Live-Our-Lives-Also-Do-You-Have-Eight-Bucks-So-I-Can-Get-Another-Cup-Of-This-Amazing-Coffee-I-Claim-To-Be-Sustainable-And-Locally-Sourced-Even-Though-I-Have-No-Idea-How-Coffee-Is-Actually-Produced-Hey-Have-I-Showed-You-My-New-Bike-I-Saved-It-From-A-Junkyard