SpaceX Is Bananas for Not Sending Monkeys Around the Moon Before People: Elon Musk is a Robot
"Elon Musk's space travel company, SpaceX, announced this week that it will fly two citizens around the moon next year, marking the first time anyone's gone to deep space in more than 45 years. In a news release, SpaceX said two "private citizens" approached the company and paid a "significant despot" for the space flight. "Like the Apollo astronauts before them, these individuals will travel into space carrying the hopes and dreams of all humankind, driven by the universal human spirit of exploration," SpaceX said. "We expect to conduct health and fitness tests, as well as begin initial training later this year." GameSpot
Elon Musk is known for being bold and unconventional--from shaking up one of the world's most established industries to making his million dollar ideas public to being friends with the Facebook guy even though they made that movie about how the Facebook guy is a bad friend. For as crazy and nuanced as everything else Elon Musk has done is, wanting to send two non-famous aka worthless people into space before sending a monkey there crosses the line. Everyone knows if you do space stuff you have to send a monkey to wherever it is you intend to send people before sending people there. PETA activists would say this is inhumane, but the reason we do it is out of respect for monkeys. Monkeys can't go to space on their own because they're too busy being on YouTube and playing baseball with Joey from Friends. It is out of respect and totally not fear of a Planet of the Apes situation that we send them to space before we go there. The only logical explanation for why Elon Musk isn't doing so is because Elson Musk does not respect monkeys. For a man of science, technology, and cars for pretentious people, he clearly does not believe in evolution. But since he's so interested in leaving God's green Earth, also known as the Blue Planet, he must also not believe in God. What does this mean? Elon Musk is a robot. He wants to send everyone to cold, silent space to die so he can live on Earth amongst only the very monkeys he does not respect. Only then when we're all dead in space will Elon Musk's precious giant remote control cars actually be better than regular cars--regular cars which mind you run on fossil fuels, the remnants of Steven Spielberg's dinosaurs which Elon Musk hates, too.
People of Earth: Elon Musk is out to get us all. Be wary.
Monkeys of Earth: keep doing what you're doing with all your famous video stuff. We going-around-the-moon human people may not be famous, but thank the God that Elon Musk doesn't believe in you monkeys are. Just remember, we can argue about God versus science all we want, but at the end of the day, neither beats being famous. Or bananas.