What's Worse than a Gator in your Pool? A Shark in your Pool.
"Officials are reportedly investigating an incident in which a live shark was found in a swimming pool at a Florida condominium complex...
According to officials, the live five-foot blacktip shark was removed from the pool and released back into the ocean." Source
Everyone knows that Florida is a place to go when you're ready to die. Whether it be from the rampant Everglades pythons, retirement aka constant overexposure, or from the bad end of a trade that sends you to the Marlins, Florida is the end of the road for the living. When I was four years old I saw a guy get hit by lightning and die on a beach outside of Disney. It was insanity but I bear no scars because I understood even then that his death was just Florida doing Florida. Why do you think Jeb always looks so scared all the time? It's not because he's getting harassed by the Donald or avoiding questions about his Dad and brother, it's because his job as Governor of Florida is the same as Jon Snow's job as Lord Commander of the Night's Watch: deal with the oncoming, unstoppable army of death.
A lot of people are terrified of sharks and I am one of them. One of my uncles made me watch Jaws about the same age as when I saw the guy get killed by lightning and that made me terrified of sharks for life. Your chances of getting hit by lightning are 1 in 700,000 but your chances of getting bit by shark are 1 in 3. Don't believe what they tell you, if you go in the water, sharks will get you. And this five-footer got released back into the ocean after his attempt to infiltrate our safe spaces for swimming. I'm not saying they should have killed the fish, but I am saying that we're all royally screwed now that a shark spy was set free. He's gonna give all kinds of intel to all his finned friends and they're coming after us. First they'll kill Flipper, then Free Willy, then our last watered ally will be Aquaman. Yes, Aquaman:
Source: https://img0.etsystatic.com/il_fullxfull.236368716.jpg
It's the beginning of the end. Sharks are coming out of the ocean and into our lives. We're all dead. We're all chum.