You Don't Have To Be An Astronaut to Know Who The #1 Astronaut Is

"Genealogy experts" at the website MooseRoots "gathered the names of 572 professionally trained astronauts from Wikipedia to find the total number of astronauts with each first name. You might be surprised to find how popular certain names have traditionally been among spacemen and spacewomen..." WGN

No you won't. You won't be surprised at all. First off, it's not at all impressive that "genealogy experts" came to their conclusion just by pulling names off Wikipedia. That's a total minor league move that any of us could pull off. So I guess being a genealogy expert is a joke then. But being an astronaut isn't, which is why there's only 572 of them. Honestly, that's way more astronauts than I would have guessed their to be, but whatever, I'm not the genealogy expert here. Even more impressive than being an astronaut, though, is being the number one named astronaut. Which I'll extrapolate to take means means being the #1 overall astronaut. What name is it? Who's the greatest astronaut of all time?

MICHAEL.

Knew it before I even knew it was something to think about. We're talking about Michael Jordan, of course. Michael is absolutely the #1 astronaut of all time. He's the GOAT, the Jumpman, the real Space Man, and the only Space Jam. You don't get put into a movie with the Looney Tunes unless you're at the top of the mountain. Hell, he is the mountain. Michael Jordan is absolutely the best astronaut ever because no one else has ever or will ever fly through time and space like he did. He walks on land, he walks on air, and he walks on outerspace:

MJ. Best basketball player ever, best astronaut ever.