The Only People We Can Trust About Drones Are Birds

As time goes on, I'm continually bamboozled by foreign languages. I am a very smart guy, but for some reason I'm getting real dumb when it comes to being able to recognize if I can or cannot understand a language that I clearly cannot. This excludes rigid sounding, harsher foreign languages, like lots of K and C sounds. However, if anything sounds even remotely English, by which I mean it's for sure not English but my fantastically interesting brain decides hey maybe it is, I will listen to it for many seconds before realizing I am not even close to understanding. It's the worst with music--I sometimes won't realize a song's not in English until it's done. Now that I'm really thinking about it maybe I'm as bad of a listener as my girlfriend accuses me of... The heart of the matter is this isn't in English but they have a bald eagle so you bet your britches this is American. 

I hate drones. I don't like them, I don't respect them, I don't get them, and I don't think there's anything to even get about them. They're not one of those things like beer where you have to try it to get that it rules. They're one of those things like ultimate frisbee where you definitely should never try it because you already know it sucks. I know drones are helping soldiers, farmers, meteorologists, and bee pollinators, but any recreational drone is just a bunch of bullshit. It's another thing that "adults" nowadays decide they should have because they can't just grow up and enjoy non-iced coffee, non-brunch breakfast, having a happy family, and skeet shooting like the rest of us. More toys for these adult-children. I'm hesitant to even call drones toys, because remote control planes and helicopters are toys and they're actually cool. Why don't people fly those around? Why don't we ever see people flying remote control non-drone aircrafts? That's not what we're talking about here, although that too is a great point I'm bringing up.

The real point is that drones are a nuisance and a threat. When it's just some guy in the park flying one with a GoPro on it, it's super annoying. The guy also looks really stupid doing it. One, because he's showing everyone how much money he willingly wastes and two, because the act of standing with a remote control and looking up into the sky makes you look like a moron. That's just adult-children hobbyists, though. Drones interfering with planes and potentially even attacking people are legitimately dangerous and need to be stopped. Am I a hypocrite saying this knowing that's what a huge amount of our military operations right now are? Yes. But I acknowledge and struggle with the fact that our US drones do a ton of damage to innocent people. We need to solve that problem at war and we sure as hell need to prevent it here. I'd say drones are just completely untrustworthy.

So that's why birds are the only people we can trust about drones. Birds rule. I respect birds a lot. They live in the sky but still choose to spend time with us down here on land. How humble and noble is that? Birds see super well, they control pests, they eat snakes, they're sustainable, they hardly use any gasoline at all--birds are just great. Birds are trustworthy. Except pigeons, those arrogant bastards strut around on the sidewalk with us peasants, mocking us by disregarding the gift of flight. Just for the chance to eat some bread. Don't get me wrong I love bread, too, but I wouldn't give up flying for it. Imagine if ostriches and penguins knew about what pigeons are doing. It's downright despicable.

We've got to show our continued respect to birds and let them take care of these drones. Birds are the sages of the sky so let's let them clean it up. Give them as much bread as they want for the task, too. It's the least we can do. At the end of the day, bald eagles are the only real flying intel we need. Drones will never be what eagles are. Let's get back to what makes freedom great and put our faith back in eagles.