Kid Embarrasses Chicago by Giving Pope A Soccer Ball Instead of Anything Hockey

"...in late February, a dozen of the letter writers — including 8-year-old William Morkin, a second-grader at St. Francis Xavier School in La Grange — went to Rome to meet with the pope. "It was great," William said. "I gave him a soccer ball. He really likes soccer." William brought that red and blue ball with the Chicago Fire crest all the way from home, according to his dad, Michael, a lawyer. "I've got pictures of the pope with his hand on my son's head and my son hugging him, and my son giving him the soccer ball, and him laughing and throwing the ball up in the air," Michael Morkin said." Chicago Tribune

I'm so mad about this kid giving the POPE a Chicago Fire soccer ball. It's embarrassing for our wonderful city. I'm not mad at the kid, he doesn't know any better. How could he, because his parents are obviously morons. Who's raising their kids in Chicago to be avid Fire fans? Chicago is a great sports town. We got a lot of great teams. However, our identity is the Blackhawks. The Chicago Blackhawks are one of the greatest teams in sports, not to mention history, not to mention an ongoing DYNASTY. They're phenomenal and have been so good to us all. Why would you turn your back on them when you're face to face with the POPE!? I'll tell you why. It's because this kid's parents are raising him in one of these alternative, "he'll be so unique aka actually let's just sneaky try to get him into an elite private school someday" schools of thought that churns out losers. Losers like the Fire, who were the worst team in the league last year, I'm sorry to say and be objectively correct about. I am not calling this kid a loser--he's a fricken' kid, I bet he's great. No kid is ever to blame. I'm just saying his parents need to change course now and turn the turf into ice. Shame on both his parents and shame on craft breweries. This kid needs a Happy Meal and a hockey stick before it's too late.

Also, we're talking the pope here. I'm not Catholic myself, but we all know that the pope is God's walkie talkie in Catholicism. Guess what? Especially in the light of Spotlight's Academy Award, people aren't too keen on the Catholic Church in the last 10-15 years. So what's a better opportunity to show some success, perhaps a little faith outside the Faith, than giving the pope a Jonathan Toews jersey or a Joel Quenneville signed puck? I don't care how much the pope likes soccer. He's wrong. Hockey is the way of the light, the way of the future. Soccer doesn't have the power play, doesn't have hits, doesn't have speed--and it's wrong for it. This was a golden opportunity to show the pope the great sport of hockey, which would in turn open his eyes in all new ways and make our awesome city look that much better. Instead, this kid's parents had to go and blow it for all of us. It's unfair to all the work our entire team, Coach Q, Stan Bowman, and everyone else in the whole organization has done.

Well, we might not have the pope's chalice, but at least we have Lord Stanley's Cup.