Aeropostale's Bankruptcy Means Now None of Us Will Ever Finally Get to Make Out

"Fashion retailer Aeropostale filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection early Wednesday in a New York court. The company said it would move quickly to close 113 of its 739 U.S. stores and all 41 of its Canada stores." USA Today

Aeropostale is bankrupt and closing down, which is a huge loss for tight t-shirts, frosted tips, pierced ears, hemp necklaces, and Sam Goody. It's devastating for the company's 14,500 legitimate employees and probably a lot of let's just say less-legitimate employees in let's just say certain specific parts of the world. However, it's brutal for young heartthrobs across the entire universe. 

Now that Aeropostale is done, we have nothing to wear to the roller rink or mall. If we can't wear a super tight shirt with the word "Aeropostale" on it, a word we all know means hot, single, cool, and totally DTHH, then we don't have anything to wear out at all. If we don't have anything to wear out, then I certainly can't go out. If I can't go out, then I certainly won't get that opportunity to prove I'm DTHH. If my hands will never get held by some cutie, then I'll never get to make out.

Yes, Aeropostale's bankruptcy means none of us will ever get to finally make out with someone. It's a dream come true. That is if your dream is a no-make-out nightmare. 

This hopeful heartthrob's heart just stopped throbbing. If you need me, I'll be washing down my sorrows with a big old cup of Mr. Pibb while I'm typing away the pain on AIM.

There's honestly only one total hottie in the whole world who'll be able to pull through this loss: